Rules of the Shepherds
by CoronaCrown
Summary: The following is a set of 50 rules that have been enforced onto the Shepherds of Ylisse.


Due to an overwhelmingly amount of chaos and disorder following the recent events of the war within personal affects, all following rules and restrictions are now placed for individuals and the Shepherds as a whole. As an addendum, any disobedience of any rules will result in fierce punishment by Maribelle's tutoring, Muriel's testing, and/or Frederick's Fitness Hour Exercise. You have been warned.

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1\. Robin is no longer allowed on kitchen duty in the mess hall tent. Sorry, Panne, but we need edible food for the rest of us.

2\. Should Inigo be spotted within five yards of Lucina, all individuals are granted Olivia's permission to keep him away from her at all costs as stated by Chrom.

3\. Any more surprise visitors from the Outrealms who mistake Aversa for this "Maleficent" must be guided away.

4\. Any more attempts to test Yarne's reflexes by frightening him will result in clean up after his rampage.

5\. For Naga's sake, Severa, we're serious about this.

6\. Should a man in a blue box appear from the Outrealms, avoid him at all costs.

7\. The Shepherd's Anna is identified so by the Mark stitched to her cape. If any Anna without the Mark approaches you, walk the opposite direction.

8\. Vaike, Miriel will seriously use a spell to glue your axe to your hand permanently. Get your act together.

9\. To whomever keeps stealing the flowers from the dinner table in the mess hall tent, please stop. They are symbols of hope in this trying time.

10\. We're onto you, Cynthia.

11\. Seriously, Vaike.

12\. No, Henry does not serve Risen meat when it's his turn to cook.

13\. As an added note, Tharja does not serve potions and elixirs to be tested with meals. She does that on her own time.

14\. Speaking of Tharja, please stop stalking Robin. Should you decide to continue, at least spare time for the bathroom. At the least everyone deserves their privacy there.

15\. In accordance to rule 6, the man does not have any ties to medical or professional practices. It's best to ignore what he says should he be spotted.

16\. Though if he says "Run," then it's probably a good idea to listen then.

17\. No, Priam and Chrom are not long-lost brothers. As stated before, Priam is a respected swordsman and descended from the warrior Ike, not the Hero-King Marth.

18\. No, Ike and Marth were not the same person. Stop making everything dramatic, Cynthia.

19\. Owain, people are worrying about your mental state. At the least, please refrain from speaking of your "sword hand" loud enough for either Minerva to roar a response.

20\. A daily hide-and-seek has now been established to locate Kellam. Attendance is mandatory and we will search the surrounding area each night until we discover Kellam has been with us all along.

21\. Never mind, he was right behind me as I wrote the above. Ignore it all, then.

22\. Note that it is very inappropriate to refer to Lissa as "dainty" and "delicate." All damage done will not be justified.

23\. Miriel, stop trying to get Libra and Lon'qu in the same room together. We understand you want information, but frankly your subjects are getting rather annoyed and antsy.

24\. Should the Justice Cabal come across the texts of tales of the Hero-King, immediately return them to Chrom's tent. He's been literally tearing at his hair to find them.

25\. To whomever placed fake cockroaches at the foot of Lucina's bed, cease and desist immediately.

26\. We're keeping an eye on you for now, Tharja.

27\. Stop asking Robin for matchmaking advice. Frankly, finding Minerva a mate is overkill.

28\. Gregor's speech may be broken, but that does not mean he must be spoken to like one is trying to lure a pup out of hiding from a log.

29\. Donnel, please get Panne to stop entrapping herself. Our staves are running out of energy and we're nearing a vulnery shortage.

30\. Gaius, Robin had made is explicitly clear that no debt needs to be paid for whatever secret he's promised to keep for you.

31\. Gaius, stop it. We will be forced to cut your funds of candy should the annoyance continue.

32\. Donnel, seriously. Until we find a town or Anna, our healers are down to their last staves. Lissa is not happy.

33\. Frederick, just stop. Please.

34\. It is wrong to shame Nowi on her choice of clothing. Note that, aside from Lady Tiki, she is most likely older than all of the Shepherd's ages combined, so it is best not to anger or provoke her.

35\. To whomever has spawned rumors of Basilio and Flavia being a married couple, please come forward. Apparently, rumors with no basis have repercussions for Feroxi.

36\. To the mages of the Shepherds, you seriously need to have a better use for the Wind tomes than to lift yourself in the air. I know Robin does so, but that was only during the Smash tournament in the Outrealms.

37\. Damn it Robin, you're not helping.

38\. To all future children (Lucina, Severa, Laurent, etc.), please note when exactly major events of their loved happen on the day it does. Maribelle discovering her pregnancy in the middle of a battle is not something we want to go through with the rest.

39\. At all times we should have someone with brute strength (i.e. Sully, Basilio, Panne) with Virion and Robin when they play chess. We can't afford a new tent every other week.

40\. No, being royalty does not matter. The point is to stop them before they start, Morgan.

41\. In regards to rule 34, the rumors have yet to cease. If the ear-teller yet refuses to come forward, we will have no choice but we will have no choice but to have the Dark Mages place a curse on such actions.

42\. Checkmate, Ricken.

43\. After careful consideration, we've decided to simply allow the man in the blue box to simply walk the grounds. Fair warning, he may know more about you than you know about yourself. He's really creepy.

44\. Olivia, please calm yourself. At this point, Inigo is going to suffer from a heart attack at best.

45\. Please note that it is very inappropriate to refer to Lady Tiki as Marth's girlfriend. We are not confirming nor denying, but it's best to leave it as is.

46\. To whomever makes a comment about Lady Say'ri's exposed skin will not be defended through whatever action the foreign queen wishes to make. Yes, she's a queen, Virion.

47\. Frederick, the pebble collection is getting out of hand. Please stop.

48\. Corrin is a royal visiting from the Outrealms, not Minerva's potential mate. Please keep that in mind.

49\. Chrom is no longer allowed unsupervised in the training field less he bash another hole in the wall.

50\. All above-mentioned rules are null and void as no one seems to listen to them.

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 **Author's Note:**

 **Inspired by "Things Corrin's Army Is No Longer Allowed To Do" on tumblr.**

 **Word Count: 1229**

 ** _~CoronaCrown~_**


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